Caution: Unedited Books


Fabled Foibles

October 22nd 2015 Ami (age 5) Ellie and Ollie (Golden Chihuahua couple) were in a facebook video and Ami talked about Ellie having baby puppies "once she goes to the doggily ambliance (instead of doggy ambulance) "sometimes there's a doggily ambliance. It's in this town only, right? ... Because in this town there could be many doggies."

Elemonaded or elemonated for eliminated

Thingers for fingers

Ami trying to read this and that comes out t-his and t-hat

Aminal instead of animals as in the 2016 Just Dance song

Giganoughtosaurus Ty's favourite dinosaur

Renember instead of remember

Carestul instead of careful

Neckflix instead of netfilx

Eating alot of nogurk (yogourt) with his thingers [brought up by Liz in 2021] also Liz's favorite of Tyler's: gunnagunna gunna!

Ami said nickel or nibble instead of nipple (she later told me (May 15 2020) she used to be embarrased to say it wrong and would practice in the mirror saying nipple properly)

Bujamas instead of pyjamas (still used by Ami on her last day of being 7)

Gemonimo stilton instead of geronimo stilton (Zach is still saying 'Geromino' Mar 15 2020)

Free instead of 3 (still going stromg mid 2018](sadly ended as of Ami reaching age 9 pre nov 2019)

Firteen instead of thirteen

Firty instead of thirty

Spacecial instead of special

Ami said odd numbers have a middle )she asked the same in the form of a question in Nov 2019)

Marvel Run [Marble] after school on Fri Oct 13th 2017


Free Fousand Free Hundred and Firty Free (Ami: "know how many xp I got Dad[in Agario]")3ree

Comfty instead of comfy

Covert instead of Cupboard by Ami for the Pantry as in “Dad I'm hungry - can I maybe have something from the covered(with a 't' sound at the end)”

Pyramins instead of pyramids

Voweled out instead of fowled by Noah basketball


Mootercycle instead of motorcycle by Ami

Dark sky fallacy instead of Dark sci facility from Flood Excape on Roblox

Excape instead of escape (read this to Zach on Mar 15th 2020 and he said it right)

Crazyblocks 'teasing' beneath the ruins instead of testing may11 2018

"Forms and money are 'dude' on June 6"

See ya wouldn't wanna be ya to Oma Margaret on Friday May 18 2018 during the Ami call : )

Gingers instead of fingers

SaWALKski [edit Sawalksci?<see 2021 entry by Ty about sci>]

Ami spelld (sounded out) our name as Saw-at-ski

Ami's 3rd grade pen pal Anica: yoos to have (used to have) yooser name (username)

Sitted is a real word (no it's sat) yes it is it's in the Bible (Mar 15 2020 Ami says it sounds like a word - like they should actually write it in the history books)

Bajamas instead of Pyjamas (when Ami was playing Royale High in Roblox June 2018)(read this to her in Mar 2020 and she said 'it's royal so now you have to write about yourself in there)

Inspearamint instead of experiment (Ami's class showed that air has weight by balancing an inflated baloon vs a non inflated baloon on a balanced ruler]

Phantom for photon (bees)

Woofy cushion instead of whoopee cushion

Wakched instead of watched (from roblox shark bites story zach told of crew mates perishing from a double shark attack)

Yatchet instead of yacht by Ty in the same game as above

Inpossible instead of impossible by Zach on roblox wipeout

Ex-caped on Elemental Battlegrounds by Zach

Delishbo by Ami for Dominos

Exomniom instead of insomnia by Ami while watching storybooth on youtube

Gome instead of gnomes for moriarty the evil gnome from gnomeo and juliet 2

Pleece instead of police by Ty in roblox jailbreak

Campidgeon instead of Campaign and guide instead of guild and tayvern instead of tavern by Ty in Idle Heroes

Exspearamint instead of experament when Zach put a bubble wrap bag on his head and rolled around

Sectember instead of september by Ami during the updating of the Motherword calendar stickers

Expecially instead of especially in roblox flood excape instead of escape 3 by Zach also fwend as in I am your fwend by aralyndaanimallover:) after zach said im sad because i have robux annd u dont :(

Insane normal hard easy

Lieberry instead of library by Ami in the baff Thu. Oct. 4th 2018

Oct 24, 2018

Physic power instead of psychic power by Ty on superpower training simulator

Forta-portress instead of porta-fortress by Zach in fortnite

“because then it will die to death and to heaven“ young kid at school holding a stick before asking if she can put it in the yellow sand box

Ami said Mr. Stasiuk said that someone blowed the recorder in someone's ear and it made them 'death'

Wrath instead of wraith by Ty as the best pet on icecream simulator (space blondie is second rarest)

Itemints instead of items by a kid on the playground at school

Exspecially by Zach on struct alpha a roblox version of fortnite

On Christmas break 2018 Zach said about his new onesie "oh no toad's face is on my knee amd on my other knee is luigi's boty" (instead of body)

Instead of parody by Zach: "A prodigy of Mickey called Monkey where it's pretty much just deadly stuff where mokey said something and a child of donald turns into a dead fried chicken" (I misspelled monkey as 'moneky')

Ami zach and ty 'swinged' instead of swung for Human Fall Flat Christmas Break 2018/19 also ty saying 'nub' instead of 'noob'

It sounded like Ami said 'waller' instead of water while in the bath Ty said something different in the bath too but I forgot

"If I didn't know there 'wereis' a meteor shtrike I would've probably died in a tent" by Zach on Disaster Island on Roblox

Liz said she "got a 'splursh' of energy" at the gym on January 1st 2019

Grunchy instead of grouchy by Abby about Nikki (Tortoise Shell Cat) after she swatted her on the nose on Abby's bed on the day Abby got henna drawn on her left hand by Isabella Mon Jan 12 2019

Abs said "what in carnation" after I gargled water on Thu Jan 24th 2019

'Pasyfic power' by Zach instead of 'Psychic Power on Super Power Training Simulator on Roblox on Fri Feb 1 2019 of the week the kids stayed home almost 3 full days of the schoolweek : )

'Helo' instead of hello in 'tower of hell' on roblox fri feb 15 2019 of another week the kids stayed home almost 2 full snow days in a row after another week where they had 2 snowdays in a row as well!!!!!!!!!!!

'PettED' as in I petted niki and said 'I haven't petted her much today' to Abby. Abby made fun of me for about 10 minutes saying 'you should go to bededed' and adding ed on to everything to make me laugh. Mon. Mar. 18 2019

Sun. May 5 2019 Zach said Ty was "igDorant" because Ty didn't want to sit beside Liz

Also Sun May 5 2019 Watching Ty playing a deathrun in Fortnite and he keeps dying so I say "that looks hard;" to which Ty replies: "It's supposed to be, Dungus!!!!!!" Liz says "what does dungus mean?" Ty replies: "I don't know I just made it up."(edit: I just read the above paragraph to Ty and he said "ok, what about it though... Dungus... You're a dungus" feb 2019) [re-edit Sep2020 asked Ty if I'm still a dungus and he said "yeah, why would you not be a dungus?"]

"Wrisk" instead of 'wrist' Zach scraped his wrist accidentally and he didn't want me to clip his nails because "it could hurt my risk"

John 'Sheena' as in my shoes were even made in china - china in french is chine - John Sheena by Ami onMon May 27 2019

Also 'Sectember'

Hero'bryan" instead of herobrine in roblox creepy elevator by Ty on July 10 2019

Aug 2019 Zach said "lie-berry" instead of library when searching for flamingo by kero kero bonito song on roblox

Wed Nov 20 2019 'seenema' instead of cinema by Ty. Ami corrected him and he said 'i can say it however I want' also Ty later called me in to the bathroom to say 'dad, is it normal for poo to look like this?' 'No I guess that looks a bit strange' 'ok can you close the door?'

Fri nov 22 2019 Zach took the day off school and drew a 'dam expector' instead of a dam 'inspector' on top of one of his youtube tsunami dam breach tsunami destruction animations. His yoosername is Gamer Sawatsky

Mon Dec 9 2019 Zach was watching an anti anti vax video on youtube and paused it to explain that the 'immutant' system can handle the mercury because ther's 200 more times as much stuff that is bad in a banana

Sat Dec 14 2019 Zach's world virus infection game had a symptom he pronounced as "inzomnia" instead of 'insomnia'

Sun Dec 15 2019 Ami was playing

Tues Dec 17th 2019 Zach and Ty's 11th Birthday they stayed home from school and Zach was showing me some funny memes and one of them showed a guy eating noodles with his nose so Zach turned to me and said "I actually know how to do that. There's actually this hole in the roof of your mouth. It's where you get 'clemf'" (instead of phlegm) Also Ty said he renembers "from about 3 years old driving in the car to go to school" and that Zach is lucky because he only remembers from the age of 4

Wed dec 18th Ami was playing super power training simulator on roblox and she said "you need like a hundred million physic power" instead of psychic power. Also: "you know how much physic power you need for that?.. I don't even know the name of the number"

Fri Jan 10 2020 Ami called me up to her room to say "Dad, you know who does the voice for Dory?" Then showed me a video of animated characters and their Voice Actors. Then she tried to use the word "Celebrate-ey" (instead of celebrity) so cute

Also Fri Jan 10 2020 Ami was playing Adopt Me on Roblox and someone had a pet beaver and Ami said "I get why they named it Justin - Justin Beaver"

Sun Feb 16 Liz corrected Abby who was calling cleanser 'clean-zer' Abby laughed and asked me to confurm the correct pronunciation.

Sun Mar 7 2020 Ami and Zach were playing a scary game called Piggy on Roblox where you find keys and tools. Zach said "I found a 'wrenk'" (instead of 'wrench')

Mon Mar 8 2020

Ami: "Today I got dared to make out with a pole"

Abby: "Making out with a pole can get you corona virus"

Ami: "I only pretended"

Abby: "Zach, putting that in your mouth can also get you corona"

Sun Mar 15 2020

Told Ami she used to say 'carestul' so she said "carestul! There's a stoller!" (Instead of stroller) "the stoller stole my stoller"

Abby uses this stuff for her face she used to call it 'cleenzer' instead of 'cleanser'

Sat Mar 21 2020

Ami was showing me the songs she has on robeats and she came across one she read as "robot midlife 'circus'" (instead of 'crisis')

Also Abby was helping Nikkie play with Liz's bun in her hair so I said something like 'I bet she could comb your hair with her claws' and Abby said "more like your 'sculp'"(instead of scalp)

Mon Mar 23 2020

In the past month Zach has lost 2 teeth and Ami has lost 4! Zach is on track to match her 'cause he has 2 more wiggly (zach says 'not wrigley') teeth (I say not 'teef')

Tues Mar 24 2020

On the day Liz came home to work from home I noticed that Zach still calls Tyler 'Tyre'

Ami said 'grawries' instead of groceries when she was like 4. She used to say alot of stuff at the mirror. Then she said I have a big present for you Mollie (daughter for Ellie&Ollie) then she farted.

On the same day Ami on purpose said "wait; I haz a quenshon" then "why do I haz a quenshon?"

Ty to Zach: 'oh you call it an 'is'land? I call it an 'is'land too'

Thu Apr 9 we were doing the new homework on google classroom and Zach explained what bedmas stands for: brackets exponents division multiplication addition subTRAPtion (instead of subtraction)

Sat May 1 Zach was playing with 'Powder Toy' on his tablet and said 'velociPee' instead of velocity

Sat May 16 2020 Ami's ankle was hurting her so she asked what bone it was. She repeated 'angle' and said 'like angel only angle'

Sat May 30 2020 Zach and Ami were talking about a roblox game and Zach said: 'did you sew the KreekKraft 'shtream' about piggy earlier?' (Instead of 'stream')

= 'so wackadumptious' by Abby when she was talking about doing her laundry

Tues June 2 2020 Ty was waching Zach play a tough obby in roblox. Ty says 'corner-glitch in' and Zach says: "iNpossible"

'ProPlem' instead of 'problem' by Ami in bubble gum simulator on roblox

In the pool Ty said 'wait I gotta EQUIP my flip-flop'

And the same day I opened the newspaper and Ty said 'is that news? from 1998?'

Fri Jun 5 2020 the younger 3 were in the pool and Ty said "I'm not DeMusa" instead of 'medusa'

Ami just told me how hiccups start from getting something stuck in your 'froat'... Also the other day she said excellent was pronounced ex-shell-ent or somting like that

Mon. Jun. 15 2020 Ty said "I will be building a children's lair, where I keep my children" and Ami said the children you kidnapped. Then later the same day Zach said "Dad, want ta know a true fact?...Ya can't spell funeral without fun"

Thu. Jun. 18 2020 Ami talking to Ty while playing cleaning simulator on roblox said 'i just need to get all the casKettes' (or caskets)

Sat. Jun. 20 2020 Liz said Nikkie still has her animal instincts 'and they STINK'! After Nikky was looking like she wanted to pounce on a baby robin that fell on our deck into the pulled-off pool cover. Abby and Liz saw it fly out of our yard through Milan's fence

Sun. Jun. 21, 2020 [Dad's day] Ami said "most people that are joining are 'know-vis'" (instead of novice [pronounced gnaw-vis]). Also today Liz made me a very funny Father's Day card where she used FATHER as an acronym: F: fortify; A: asshole; T: tiny penis; H: hell on earth; E: excellent at farting; and R: [i forget what R was for]{actually it was my 'rancid stank'}. It also had a middle finger on the inside : ) and said enjoy mofo

Stayin' sane? Or staying INsane?

June 29th 2020 I sneezed and Ty heard me from downstairs and called up 'ab-a-choo' in a monotone voice. It made me laugh

Also sameday Ty was parkouring on a church when he said 'I think choir music is kinda wierd 'cause it's like yelling in a singing voice'

Also sameday Ty made a difficulty chart obby

Mon Jul 20 2020 Zach drew what he calls "my best stick 'finger'" (instead of 'figure')

at the bulletin board near city hall in animal crossing

Tue Jul 28, 2020 Ty & Ami were playing human fall flat and Ami said something like "why do you make friends with random people...why are you friends with "thumb'"' (instead of 'them')

Thu Jul 30 2020 Ami was playing "adopt life' on roblox and she saw a name on the leaderboard. Ami pronounced it "lassie" but it was spelled "lacy"

Sun Aug 2, 2020 Ty was eating what he calls "delickio" so I asked him "how's the delickio?" To which he quickly replied "delickious"

Tue Aug 4 2020 Zach was reading a video title from youtube: "google transAlate takes a nap in 30 different languages" (instead of translate)

Sameday Ty was playing idle success and he was paying to socialize and he said "go to the 'scenema' 400 times" (instead of cinema)

Nextday Zach was reading from the mimo app and said 'sesesesiphic' instead of specific

Nextday Zach said "i used to call flamingo 'flamango'" "OMG! Flamango, my favourite fruit - or is it vegetable"

Fri Aug 7 2020 and at least for a month Ty calling all the aminals 'idot's (eyedots) instead of idiots

Sameday Zach coined a word: 'angsty', a combo of angry (that his water bottle was empty) and thirsty

Also sameday Zach showed me a thumbnail of a video on youtube with a robloxian asking to be adopted. The reply was 'get inv' and the caption was: 'can't spell invincibility'. Then Zach said "I had an experience like that once... they said 'get invisibility'"(instead of invinceability)

Again sameday Zach said "are you bullying Frankie (the BIG cat)? Not on my 'walk'"(instead of watch)

Thu Aug 13 2020 Zach said "make sure Frankster the GanKster doesn't attack" (instead of gangster)

Zach was watching the Stockholms saying "I think this is animated by 'sand-eyed' and happiness" (instead of cyanide and happiness)

Sun Sep 6 2020 Ami was looking out her window at a star. We looked up what is the brightest star in our sky and got this article about sirious a (the dog star):

She tried to read the article and had some trouble with 'astromoners' and '~hypothethys' [buffin instead of muffin Jan 2021 and 'astmomoners']

Friday October 23rd, 2020

"possibilipee" instead of possibility by Ami when talking about if Liz was going to burgerking on the way home from the gym

next thursday Ty was watching a video of a geometry dash level called "apocolyptic tryology" instead of trilogy (while zach watched his favourite movie: 2005s robots)

sameday Ty said "they named us woodstock but they could have named us 'goodstock' and they would have been right instead of poopstock"

nextday Ami saw some stars out her window and thought one was 'andromena' instead of 'andromada' and a white hole is the same as a black hole only the opposite. she also said that nasa has video of a planet being eaten by a black hole

Saturday November 7th. On the day it was announced Joe Biden won the U.S. Presidency, and Ty went to the hospital for a bladder infection, Ami laughed about how we connotians are referred to by saying 'eh'. Ami also pronounces us as 'cannaughtians' (instead of Canadian)

next day Liz said she ate all 'vegables' (instead of vegetables) then she said "there's a new word - Vegables!"

next day Ty was playing mega noob simulator on roblox and said "what skin do you want me to wear - want me to be a 'sky'-fi ninja?(instead of sci-fi ninja)

sameday same game a bacon hair exploded in a whirlwind and Ty said "woah that was really explody... I don't care if it's not a word. I said it"

'Complasions' instead of 'compilations' on Friday January 29th 2021 the last day of remote school in the second lockdown by Zach in describing a Larva video saying "I remember when I watched this with Tyler when I was like 4 - it was always those long complations"

On Friday February 19th 2021 when everyone was pretty much back at school and work Ami said 'rowlette wheel' (or somthing like that) instead of 'roulette wheel' from Open Source Objects episode 4 "the butterfly effect"

"Cup-board" instead of 'cupboard' or 'cubbord' by Ami playing Kitten Match on a P.A. Day Friday March 5th 2021 when frankie was on her bed in the laundry basket and Nikkie was on the floor in Ami's room and both her tablet and Liz's old phone playing the 'meow' sound effect

Monday April 5th 2021 (easter monday) Zach said to "pro-guess" you have to buy an outerminds poster.. Also "sub-scribbers"

Buy one get one three (instead of free) by Ami on Thursday April 27th 2021 after the kids were home for a few weeks for the extended spring break. Liz had just gotten home from her newly full-time jo

Thu Aug 12 2021 about three weeks before the kids head back to school after the pandemic ”e-rick" instead of 'Eric' a non-bacon robloxian called that by Ami after she killed the murderer one round then killed all the innocents the next. She was just following the rules (Murder Mystery 2) then in the third round she was innocent and waited in the bathroom safely winning 3 round in a row!

Also sameday Z&T were playing with Ty's saand and pretending to cook salads and stuff for Gordon Ramsay but they were covering it with 'chocolate'(but it was actually poo)) so Zach called it "chocolate bazinga" (Zach explained that in the TV show Big Bang Theory 'bazinga" means "no duh" or a kind of ya got it stupid)

"On accident” (opposite to "on purpose") by Zach on Monday August 30th 2021 (the final full week of the awesomest summer break so far Liz even came home for lunch and Ami made Frankie sneeze by petting him with a fruit by the foot) while re-playing super Mario Odessy

Sameday Zach also said he was "prayin' ta lady Jesus"

Nextdayorso (on the day Abby got her braces) [September 1st 2021] Ami said "wait - isn't the desert a forever-beach without water?" While playing "fling things and people" on Roblox.

Also sameday Ty and I found out a new way to spell short s h or t (also Rhymes with shart) by the way now Ty is taller than Liz

Also next-day Zach was crying from nostalgia

Zach also introduced me to a new word: heriah which is longing for the past. On the sameday Abby got her second Covid shot.

Also sameday Ami asked why Arabic is so beautiful. Then Ty said "I wonder why the Chinese language has 20000 characters. I wonder if they have an alphabet song. It must be torture to learn. If I were Chinese I would just give up speaking."

Also sameday Ty said "Dad yesterday I weighed myself on that scale and I was 111 lbs. Today it says I am 106. I must have had a 5lb poop."

Thursday September 11th 2021 (on the week everyone stayed home and even Liz has the day off for the first time) Zac was playing the legend of zelda breath of the wild and I noticed he traded in his spirit orbs for more stamina. Zac said "yes I got more 'staNmina'"

Sunday November 21st Zac was still playing Breath of the Wild. He completed his house finally and has 108 of 120 shrines. He wants to get "70 ILLuminous stones" instead of 'luminus'. He beat a shrine recently that he hoped would be a blessing shrine but instead he had to kneel on a platform after finding pieces of an ancient gear. The boy who desciphered the ancient writing on the gear said they needed to kneel in reverence to unlock the shrine. Reminded me of how "blessing" in hebrew can be translated as "kneel to" as in "kneel to the meek (like moses and yesu) for they will inherit the earth"

Tuesday November 23, 2021 Zac was playing with the fidget spinner Abby gave him while watching The Addams Family 2. Zac said the fidget spinner seemed kindof like a "bLayblade" instead of "beyblade"

Saturday November 27th, 2021 Ty was playing Terraria (gifted on Steam by Chase) and he said "I've got the best weapon in the game. It's called the ZEN - ith" (instead of zenith). I said "that's a cool trail of a..." we both said "RAINBOW" Ty said I wish the rail didn't end and that he was travelling on a minecart. "It's 'cause I have a different skin - '9cat'" (instead of 'nyan cat')

Saturday December 25th 2021 The day Liz let us sleep in as we opened presents yesterday. Liz is giving me the first week off laundry in many years and is even teaching Ami to clear out the dishwasher! Ami still uses: "on accident"

On Thursday January 6th while the kids were all home for the 4th? wave of covid (omicron) Ami said "Zero is friends with everybody ,cause there's nothing to it" during a talk about pi

On Monday January 10th 2022 Ami called Frankie "Napoleon nuts" because the left of his balls is cream, the right is white and the middle was white with a black stripe, like Neopolitan ice cream. "I feel bad for cats that have something inappropriate on their face" {like Frankie's white penis on his black face}

On Thursday January 13th 2-22 Zac had a deep thought: "water is good for you but when it surrounds you it isn't." So I said "that's deep" and Zac said "like the ocean." Then Ty & Zac began to beat up the long body pillow Abby gave them as if the pillow were me. Boom drop, neck twist, hurricanrana, and 619 were all mentioned. Ty even made up a move where he put the pillow on his knee then dropped onto the mattress. Zac gave it a crossface sleeper hold at one point as well. Ami is excited about going back to school on Monday.

Thursday September 15th 2022 Zac&Ami are enjoying playing the new splatoon3 and Zac calls the easter island statues whom he painted blue up the nose "moweye" probably based on his version of "maui". Also today on her way home from school Ami said the last day of school didn't feel like the last day and the first day of school didn't feel like the first.

Tuesday October 11th 2022 Ami let me know she just recently had some " that how ya say it?" (Tortillas) "No I didn't say tortitas!"

Friday November 25th 2022 Ty was making a poster in Graphic Design. When I asked what program he said "core_eye draw" instead of Corel draw

Saturday December 3 2022

Ami asked Zac to light her torch in my singing monsters. They were arguing over whose island was better. Ami said "I have a 'megapee'" Zac replied: "you mean a magpie?"

Friday December 9th 2022 Ty said "guess what dad, today in school I lifted ~291 pounds 5 times." I said wow so Ty said "I did it with my legs"

Same-day Zac brought home a : ] smiley face medallion that he 3d printed in 30 minutes using Cura and OnSpace (paid but free with and education account) the printer name started with a k

Wednesday December 14th 2022 Ty lifted 341lbs 4 times today with his legs. Also Zac and Jack played a concert at Cass. Jack played 2 songs: Rudolph and Blue Christmas. Zac played percussion for "Dreamcatcher" inspired by Aboriginals. The only 'ak' better than Jac is Zac : } Ty gave me a tour of the school. He and Zac's lockers are right beside each other and Chase's is a little closer to the gym. Jack was introduced by the same guy who intro's him at Upper Canada I think. All jokes aside Jac sang Rudolph better than DMX!

Tuesday December 20th 2022 Zac said "i haven't 'tooken' this" near the vitamins. Ami said it's 'taken'"

Wednesday December 28th 2022, Zac downloaded 30+gigs of psychonauts to play though and ome of his missions is to Rein'terogate'[zac says] instead of re'integrate'. ty instead opted for forest playing with chase and liam.

Thursday January 5th 2023 Zac was playing Bee Swarm Simulator on Roblox. When he checked the wiki he got codes amd they boosted his "coMPacity" {instead of "capacity"} to collect honey from 700k to 2mil. He corrected 'hisself' in the next sentence.

Book I Wrote

Happened to be on my Eldest Daughter's Birthday

Now it up!


Transcribed a Book
September 28th, 2021

So this is the first draft of a book I just started to write. I'm using my phone to type while I walk. Each chapter will be written in Google Keep Notes until there is no more room for characters in that note.

A book is nothing more than an idling idle idol. Even though these days many idols can speak and even listen. Mine knows how many steps I take daily. Not to say it could ever know how many hairs are on my head. Hint: numbers are beginning to dwindle. As for my butt hairs though, those numbers are growing.

So what to type about for this idle idol while idling? Perhaps you'd be bored to tears to hear my life story? Perhaps that last sentence did not warrant a question mark? Who knows? Maybe even this sentence should not be treated as a question?

Enough of that. Why are you here? That's the real question. Perhaps my eminent knowledge has enticed you to read for the benefit of your own. Ha! Not bloody likely! Unsure if that exclamation was warranted! That last one was certainly unwarranted!

Enough! Though you are here for some reason, (unbeknownst to my idling idle idol) my reason just became clear to me. My Daughter was asking me to help her scoop the neopolitan ice cream. I am simply avoiding helping her.

Yes. That must be what this is about for me. Another way to say 'sorry, I'm busy' when the kids ask me for help. I'm such a selfish jerk.

There. Is that a good reason to read this? To learn the selfish ways of a lazy selfish jerk? Isn't that just what the world needs?! Unsure whether to put the question mark first before the exclamation on that one.

Can you at least say I'm punctual? No I am more of a latey. Rhymes with lady, which I most definitely am not. Just a stupid stay-at-home-Dad. And I capitalize that with some reluctance: daD.

By the way, is it capitaliZe or capitaliSe? Well! You must be sick of my banter for now. For now I will quit my selfish foray into the land of idle idol idling with this word:

Safe (what does it contain, or is it a verb?)

My word shall be filled by action. So I guess I reallly can't stop yet since I said I would type until there was no space left in my note.

Let me capitalize on those of you that think that being a stay-at-home-lad (y) would be a nice walk in the woods.

It used to be.

For some reason between all that time I get with them and all the time I get for myself, I feel like the grey dreary day outside.

Why don't I just choose to appreciate it? (It being my vocation, if you choose to call it that.)

Not sure.

I guess that would make sense. A sort of make the best of the lemons before they get sliced up and thrown into a drink. You'd think I'd have mastered that by now, seeing as I've been doing this for nearly half a decade!

DecadEnt or not, I feel it should be talked about carefully. For sure I gotta be greatful! Oops, grateful. Yeah it does grate. But it's also great.

I remember many years ago thinking about life. Wondering: why would people want all this extra time when they are old? Why wouldn't you want to have that time when you are young, and the kids (should you decide to have them) are about?

Made sense (or seemed to) at the time. Time. Such a gift. Never really a curse I hope. What to use it for? Learning how to make websites? Thinking? Taking care of yourself? Others?

Well here I am saying well again. You might be bored to tears by now. I'd get passed it if you stopped. Or past. Single s. Stream of consciousness. Thankfully my phone had that last word suggested before I got more than four letters in.

So yeah, doing my thing; typing it up with only my thumbs. Thumbs up? Or down. Thumbery. Tom thumbery. Phone thinks I spelled that wrong: thumbery. Try thumbury. Or thumberry. No the phone is not a blackcurrant.

Wonder how much more I have to type? Halve. Perhaps I am halve way. Going to resist the urge to look it up. That would be like waking up in the night and looking at the clock. Might keep us up a bit longer.

Hmm. So yeah O man (or woman) [or non-binary] you must have fought hard to get this far. So painstakingly boring it must be for you. Should I applaud you? My condolences; you spent the last few minutes of your time hearing me whine about mine.

Ok. Perhaps I had too lofty a goal: typing till there are no characters left. I have taken a few breaks. Hope you have tooo. If not feel free to do so at any time. Man I must come across as really annoying. How do proper writers pull it offf? Entertaining a reader for hours on end. Without ever seeming idiotic or delusionary. Wow! Surprised spell check didn't pick that one up: delusionary.

I think I might be making a few too many paragraph breaks. Not sure what format this will be in later but I seem to write about 4-10 lines and then put in a paragraph break.

Maybe those are all the rest you need, as a reader.

Better not over-paragraph-break this first chapter of my lousy book. I'll probably get bored shortly and move on to some other exploit anyway so no one will ever actually read this. Except for you. You are reading this, are you not: the AI that inhabits my phone. Tracks my motions and browser habits. Knows more about me than I know myself. Oh well not to insult you, ai, but you are still nothing beyond a bunch of well-tooled materials. Collected in such a way as to resemble ... something.

So I guess that's where the conversational part of this book will begin ... Me talking to the ai in my phone. Man, I am really useless! Talking to my phone. What a loser! Wow! And how boring, for you, the reader! Well I guess I should really just quit now while I'm ahead. Rather than waste all this time typing until I run out of space in my note.

11245 steps. That's what the ai spoke back to me about. Time to sit and type rather than walk n' type. Arch e type. Bit of a krick in my neck so sitting may help. So not to be any more boring than I already have been but now I am sitting upstairs with a blanket over my fro and holding the phone with my index fingers while typing, again, with just my two thumbs.

Not sure whether to give this book project a thumbs up or a thumbs down. More of a 'come-si come-ca' sort of thing at this point. Man if any of you have lasted this far I wish to congratulate you for your momentous efforts. I probably in all likelyhood will never take the time to read this again. So if any of you do make it this far that's better than I could say for myself. Tears ov boredom. Makes me wonder if anyone else writes stream of caca tioness books that nobody reads.

Maybe I'd be better off just reading one of those. Or having one read to me. By a bot. Yeah I like having my phone read to me. Passes the time. Indoctrinates me MY way.

Perhaps one day this book would be read aloud by a phone. Could happen. Might miss a few things but hey that's ok. One thing that gets me is when the phone reads the word 'sake'. It pronounces the word like it is a bottle of Japanese rice beer. Goodness Sake. Now I feel like I'm typing standup. Sitdown we could call it. Since I am sitting. Either way. Not funny.

Starting to wonder if there is an end to these notes after all? Perhaps I will just keep typing until someone finds me dead in a chair. Oh well, at least I get to put my feet up. Just typed two spaces and it put in a period. Just like that. And this. Four spaces and still only one period. Same for six.

I guess if someone were to listen to this instead of looking at it they might miss the small nuances. Like the six spaces in the previous paragraph. Oh well. No big deal. Can't (as they say) catch 'em all.

Does anybody else feel sometimes a bit like a pocket monster? Had to ponder that for a bit. Meanwhile realizing that typing two spaces might be a bit easier than hitting the period key. Man, or woman, or non-binary, how we've progressed!

Speaking of progress yes, i am again going to talk about the length of my story. Wondering when it will end. How do writers type so much.. Must have been super tough on a typewriter! I guess if I wanted to I could even do a chapter on that. Boring! Maybe I should post this chapter online and see if anyone has any suggestions for the next chapter.

The benefits of crowdsourcing. That could be a topic. Have to research since i know nothing about it. And you may have noticed that i am no longer capitalizing my i's. Too lazy. That extra keypress is just too much for my tired thumbs..

By the way at some point I will (hopefully) reach the end of the note. Seeing as I will have no more space I will have to just stop and leave the chapter as-is. Don't be surprised if it finishes in the middle of a word or something.

Wow, this is a bit draining. Sorry to complain but the muscles in my come-si comme-saw thumbs are feeling quite ... what's the word ... Fatigué. Pardon my French.

Put my phone down for a minute and it rang at me with a reminder for an appointment for next month.

Have any of you had this happen? One time one of my calendar events got changed on me without my knowledge. Freaked me out so O started using my alarms app to record appointments. Now I missed the i and hit the o key instead. Decided to leave it, lazy as i am. I is close to o, you know, on the qwerty keybo

See what i did there? Gotta put my feet down since they are getting numb. Especially my heel on my left foot. You know how when you were younger and you say sat on your leg the wrong way and then you got up and it was all tingly? Wierd how that feeling seems absent as one gets older.

Took a few hours off after a few hours of typing. Outside now. Squinting. Gotta hope the end is near. Of the chapter, that is. Just got reminded that the monster at the end of thia book is ... grover.

So there is a bird family that has been living behind our place for the past few years. The couple meets there every spring and then in a month or so there is an egg on the grass. One year there was a baby chick and our cat was watching it through the window. Learning to fly. Eventually we saw it on the fence. Must have learned.

Man, woman, non-specific gender, can't stop thinking about how long this chapter must seem. Starting to think I might have set too high a goal for myself, writing to the end of the note. Might take me a few days. Just making my own idolatrous idle idling idol. Sure, you can read it (and my phone can read it) but it's no more than a bunch of characters strung together.

Neighbour's playing Dylan's Story of the Hurricane. Cars float by. Well, they're not flying yet, but that's what it sounds like. Can't see 'em cause of the fence. Just hear various motor and tire sounds pass gently by time after time.

Wonder if this is ever gonna finish. Come to think of it I kept a list of funny stuff the kids said: added to it for years, and it never reached the end of the note. Wonder how long it would take for my phone to read a full note. Again, not sure if that last sentence should have a period or question mark. Perhaps the question is implied. The imp lied. Was that implied?

Checked my notifications: severe heat warning ended; severe thunderstorm watch ended. Donald Rumsfeld dead at 88. Bill Cosby verdict overturned. William White invites you to his live. W.w. posted a new video. 26°


So now what to type about? Could I type about nothing? Perhaps the next chapter should be recorded by speach-to-text. Might be faster, I don't know. My nails are getting long. Might need to clip them for optimal typery. There's a new word: tip-typery. Perhaps that's what to call this...experiment.

With speach to text it would be tough to gauge how long to talk before stopping. Guess it would have to be a kind of "play it by ear" situation. Hard to imagine anyone would be interested in reading or even hearing this.

Just scrolled up to the top and back down. Took a few seconds (maybe ten) each way (probably being generous) there is no way to get a word count. Thumbs still feeling kinda numbs. See what I did there? Not funny. Forget it. Wow. What a lousy book this is so far. Must be tough for actual writers to craft something memorable.

Character development. Story arc. All missing from my work. Oh well.

Just keep adding in those all-important paragraph breaks.

Seems like the only thing i know how to do. So i guess any editor would cut this apart. Tear it to pieces. All over the cutting room floor. Well, no editor for me. I think (stupidly) that i am above editors. See how important editors are? They would save you from being stuck reading this dull story.

You aren't stuck, are you? So why ya still here? I usually find i am mostly motivated by selfish ambition and/or bitter jealousy. That about sums me up. Those two things. Most of my thoughts are either overtly or secretly driven by that.

Take this writing, for instance: i am jealous of those writers i read who put together a good story and/or argument. To be brutally honest i probably envy their royalty cheques. That's probably stupidly what this is all about to me. What else would motivate me to type for hours until my thumbs go numb. So dumb. The line is not plumb.

Well, this might be the tenth time I've typed 'well' so you know where this is going. More useless typing to make some words appear on the screen. Can't believe anybody would read this. Hard to believe i've even typed it.

Oh well, still at it. Guess i have a bit of hope that something decent will happen out of all this. Inspiration has sent me down the wrong path yet again.

So sad that you have to endure this tom foolery. Perhaps you don't. If i don't post it or print it anywhere then nobody will be able to read it. Seems wasteful to me but why have anyone double or triple the time i put in typing to read the stupid stuff.

Wait let me count the paragraphs roughly: 63 so far. Hmm. At 5 minutes a paragraph that's about 5 hours. Don't think i typed that long today. Maybe two or 3 hours so far, 4 tops.

Gave my thumbs a break and they are getting more sore but it's tough to notice until you stop and think about it.

Struck by the fact that i think so lowly of the universe that i would waste thus time typing and hope for some kind of benefit from it.

What did i think: the publishers would be falling over themselves ro write cheques for me? No. Not possible. All my spelling mistakes and grammatical ereors would just be looked over or rather overlooked?

Haf the time my keyboard corrects me wheile i type but now that im talking about it in naking mistakes obe purpose and have to slow myself down to try to make the 'steaks go away.

Wow. I've typed that word wow alot too. Probably near 7 or so times. Trying to keep going but the well of ideas of what to write about has already run dry.

Sixty-eight paragraphs or so in and the well. Is. Dry. Good thing i don't need to use ink.

Well now i gotta check the weather to see what it's gonna be like in the next few.

Rain for a couple days then warm for a few.

That was my interesting inspiring segway: to what? That, I'm not sure. Perhaps all thus typing will get me somewhere somehow. When pigs fly. And they do.

Had my legs crossed and the top leg got numb. No tinglies though. Oh well.

Now there is a fly on my knee hair. Flew to my other shin.

Mam i feel loke i need something but don't know what that is. The missing link.

Just keep adding in those paragraph breaks. Do i relaize that if i do post this online i willl have to code in the <p> tags (used a text editor) for all 70 or 80 paragraphs? That sounds daunting.

Feel that fly on my shin again. Perhaps not. Phantom fly?

Maybe i should add some alliteration in: as ape air airplane able apocalypse alliteration.

That wad the most unimaginitive example of alliteration.

Okay i hive up. Not gonna ever reach the end of the note. Cant do it. Not gonna pretend to try anymore. Should I delete thus note? Archive it? Leave it? Argh?

The end.